I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
