I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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