you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
