"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
