never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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