i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
