I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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