i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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