Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
