he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
