I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
