I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
