i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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