I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
