It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
