Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
