OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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