i don't like sucking hair
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
barbara walters just said penis...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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