I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
