Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
