What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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