no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
