Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
