How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
