i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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