So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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