Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We had sex on a dog bed..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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