and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
that is very illegal...i love you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
