pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
