i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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