we made out on top of his cat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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