I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
