Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
