my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
