I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize