My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
