the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
