i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
