We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
