I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
