somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
