i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
