just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
