i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize