make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
