I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
