apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I forget how to act sober
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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