Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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