i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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