plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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