she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
