At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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