you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
