Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
