Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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