he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
