I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
