Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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