i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
