I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
