Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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