Do you still have your period?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
