I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
