Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
