i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
