FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
where are my eyebrows?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
