Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
