new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
