now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize