R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
